I Killed Dean Today
by ifan13
Summary: "Naomi made me kill Dean today." A look at what happened to Castiel during his time with Naomi. Based on Goodbye Stranger. (Tragedy Warning)


**A/N:** To start off with, this is based on _Goodbye Stranger_, so spoiler alert if you haven't seen that episode yet. This is based on Cas' time training with Naomi. The premise kind of is, if Cas wrote in a journal during his time with Naomi, what would he have written?

**Disclaimer: **Two words. _Meg Masters._ That's how you can tell that I don't own Supernatural. If I Supernatural was mine, we would still have Meg.

**I Killed Dean Today**  


_Day 1_

Naomi made me kill Dean today. I fought her for hours, but in the end, I wasn't strong enough to stop her.

It wasn't the real Dean but it was close enough.

Although I couldn't stop her, I did put up, as Dean would say, "a helluva fight" and so Naomi spent all day fighting me. It cost her much strength and time.

I don't know why I'm writing this down. Maybe it's because I feel like this is what Sam and Dean would do if they were in my place. I'm afraid that Naomi will make me forget to fight her one day. Maybe if I write down what happens to me, I'll remember.

_Day 2_

Naomi made me kill Dean again today.

_Day 3_

Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 11_

Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 24_

Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 37_

I'm slipping. It's harder to fight Naomi. She made me kill Dean today.

_Day 42_

Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 51_

Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 64_

Naomi made me kill Dean today. I almost forgot to fight her. Almost.

_Day 75_

Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 89_

Naomi is growing stronger and I can no longer put up much of a fight. This means we have more time to "train", according to Naomi. She made me kill Dean today and "Dean" has become many Deans.

_Day 97_

Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 101_

Naomi made me kill Dean. And I forgot to fight her. I lost.

_Day 117_

I no longer remember to put up the littlest fight. Naomi made me kill Dean today.

_Day 123_

I killed Dean today.

_Day 132_

I killed Dean today.

_Day 146_

I killed Dean today. Naomi says I am improving. She says I'm becoming what angels are supposed to be again. All I know is that I'm forgetting that I care that I killed Dean.

_Day 160_

I killed Dean today.

_Day 184_

I killed Dean today.

_Day 215_

I killed Dean today.

_Day 229_

I remember feeling sadness and shame when I first started my training. Naomi says I am no longer operating under the constraints of emotions. I killed Dean today.

_Day 247_

I killed someone today.

_Day 251_

I have learned to remove obstacles from my path. I must protect heaven. I killed someone today.

_Day 268_

I killed someone today.

_Day 277_

I killed someone today.

_Day 301_

I killed someone today. I realize that this "someone" was Dean. But I am also aware that this doesn't matter. After all I've done, I must make reparations and protect heaven, no matter the cost.

_Day 325_

Naomi says that I am making excellent progress and I am almost ready to complete my mission. I removed the obstacles to that mission today.

_Day 339_

I successfully removed the obstacles today.

_Day 352_

I have been training everyday for 352 days. Everyday, I killed. Now, Naomi says that I am ready. She is proud of me. Tomorrow, I will go forth and retrieve the Angel Tablet. Naomi says I am the angel that I was meant to be. I have completed my training and can act without hesitation – quickly and brutally. I removed the obstac- I killed Dean today.

_Day 365_

Today, I didn't kill Dean.

**A/N:** Because Cas was training with Naomi, I assumed he was training in heaven/a related area. So, because time passes differently there, while it may have only been a few months since Sam and Dean last saw Cas, I operated under the assumtion that it had been far longer since Cas had seen Sam and Dean. Also, I'm pretending that Cas wrote everyday, but I only gave you snippets because 365 entries would have been kind of ridiculous ... Anyway, what did you think? Review! Also, if anyone wants to rant about _Goodbye Stranger,_ I'm up for it!


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